TRIGGER WARNING: This section contains graphic imagery and descriptions of abuse and torture. I actually do not recommend it to survivors, it is intended for the general public.
Instead of attempting to compose a novel length narrative about my experiences, I decided to create a multi-media art project. It was the only way I could motivate myself enough to begin to chronicle my journey. This first phase is a documentation project. I've got 25 years worth of writing and drawing in journals, but the most important to me are those I began about 13 years ago when I first started uncovering the deepest layers of my system.
Here I'll be posting selected pages from my journals on a regular basis, beginning with these first four which are from 1999-2000. These journal pages contain unedited, raw thoughts, memories, and very primitive little drawings. Some of it won't make sense, and a lot of it will make me look crazy. That can't be helped, these are the recordings of the internal dialogues of someone who has DID.
It is what it is.
I'm also posting these on tumblr: http://goaheadandtellme.tumblr.com/ and on the RI board: http://www.rigorousintuition.ca/board2/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=35336
Reaction 1, 8/22/2012
Key: "B space", or "blending space" refers to the internal sense of where alters are when they take over the body. "Robots" refers to messages associated with toy robots used in the labs that were wried up to play recordings.
Sp. correction: should be "Samford" (University in Birmingham)
A "four way" refers to a pattern of organizing alter systems into major sections.
After 6 months of serious deprogramming, and after years of no contact on my request, my mother flies 2500 miles from her home and shows up unnanounced on my doorstep.
"No one" and "Nobody" are alter names.
Dr. Tinkey (sp.?) was my pediatrician in Detroit.
"Mad" is short for Madeline. Threats and interferrence with therapy are constant.