I was born into a family active in organized group ritualistic and sadistic pedophilia. Along with profiting from child pornography and prostitution, the group was also networked to people involved with government medical and behavioral experimentation programs. Many abused children were used as subjects in these programs, their parents were complicit or easily coersed.
From earliest memory I was subjected to unspeakable acts of torture. It occurred within private settings, such as family /group gatherings, and at research facilities during experimentation sessions. The torture included: food, water, sleep, and sensory deprivation; confinement; multiple sexual assaults; electroshock; burials; and other near-death experiences. I was also forced to witness and participate in acts of violence and cruelty.
My responses to the brutality, such as dissociative reactions including amnesia, were intentionally manipulated. This manipulation is called Trauma-Based Mind Control, or perhaps more appropriately, Torture-Based Mind Control. The intent was to ensure that I would remain loyal to the family/group and unaware of government use and experimentation. The people who subjected me to this process knew exactly what they were doing. Despite years of therapy, it was not until my late thirties when I began to discover the other side of my life.
Trauma-Based Mind Control is essentially the combination of operant conditioning techniques (Pavlovian reward and punishment) with the amnesiatic features of dissociation. It is the deliberate infliction of trauma to produce predictable dissociative reactions and the subsequent manipulation of those reactions. The result of this kind of conditioning and torture is the creation of multiple personality systems whose alter aspects are vulnerable to external control. The goal of cults, organized crime groups, governments, and other mind control perpetrators is to supplant the victim's original personality with trained, perpetrator-loyal alters. Quoted from a high ranking program doctor: "We do not break her will, we make her will our will."
To learn a few specifics about how alter systems are trained, which is called "programming", view my journal drawings to the left.
The video below, made to document a recent art show, reviews some conditioning and torture methods.
More of My Story
Interview in Mad Hatter's Review 2006
Franklin & Madeline Art Show 2007
Survivorship Webinar 2010
Art site LynnSchirmer.com
Go Ahead and Tell Me... journal project 2012
Journal Drawing 1
A cult programming or indoctrination device, the spin table. The cult was the first source of trauma. Rituals and early programming sessions "primed" us for use in the labs.
Jounral Drawing 2
The above journal drawing pre-dates by 3 years the following account. I wrote out the account intending to include it in my memoir. The memior is still a work in progress.
Thanks to Jeff Wells.
It’s 7 am, I pick up the phone. Half asleep, "Hello?"…An oddly familiar male voice says: "Is Twee there?" "Who?" slowly, enunciating, he says: "Twee". "No!" I half yell, not knowing why. Who is this person waking me out of a sound sleep and asking for, did he say Twee? Yes. Asshole. I look at the screen, there is no number listed, it says "Restricted". Oh, great. I roll over and go back to sleep.
"Twee" I start to raise my voice. "I know who Twee is, oh God, I know who Twee is!"
That phone call, it was no accident, no wrong number. I am "in session" with my therapist. My head has been spinning and I can’t get clear, I can’t get out of whatever has turned my thinking to mush for over a week. Finally, near the end of my hour, it starts to come. Twee is 3. Corroboration from narrative memory: mother never let me forget how I couldn’t pronounce my r’s and l’s as a child. How clever. I remember the doctor asking "And how old are you?" Holding up 3 fingers I say, proudly, "Twee". "Ah, then, that is what we will call you."
"Lie down here now little girl." He says, guttural, thick, German.
His stubby fingers point. I am on the table and my arms are being clasped in the leather buckles. "What is your name?" He asks. I am so young, but somehow I know to say "Twee". "Watch." He points to the ceiling. I see a picture above me, it is just a black line on a white background, it is like a movie, it is made with light. There are wires on my head. I am terrified. The table begins to turn. I do not know how it is done, how is the table turning? "Watch!" He yells. I stare at the ceiling as it begins to turn around too. If I try to look away the pain starts, searing pain in my temples, down my legs, my toes? I can’t really feel them. I don’t know where they are. The black line begins to make a blurry picture. It is all I know, it is all I can see, the tornado. There is fatigue, and nausea, and I want it to stop, please stop. I cannot make my eyes stay anymore. I start to cry, but I know better because the searing pain comes quickly again.
Journal Drawing 3
In this scene are some standard fixtures for early training sessions: an electrified) Skinner box to the left, portable E.C.T. machine for compliance, P.E.T. or later E.E.G. for monitoring brain activity (keeps track of which alter is being trained), intravenous for drugs and viewing window.
A lab programming session: The intention is to associate the vortex image with the memory of a cult torture experience (the image in the cloud) to create a trigger effect. The trigger can then be used to limit the mobility of the alter, blocking access inside the system. It also can produce a general state of fear.
Journal Drawing 4
This is a scene of extreme torture for non-compliance. Shocks are delivered to the internal organs and genitals. The body is immobile, encased in an electrified Skinner box. E.E.G. tracks alter states and earphones deliver programming messages.
Journal Drawing 5
Biofeedback training to block access to certain parts of the brain (alters and alter teams). The note reads: "Make it flat". The belt I am wearing was made to deliver shocks of various intensities.
Journal Drawing 6
This image shows a naming and indexing session. Here I am being trained to identify alters acording to a letter and numerical ID system. The ID was projected onto the back of each alter as they were called up.
The purpose of indexing sessions was to verify that the alter system was indeed set-up according to the records on hand and would respond preditably as commanded.
One dificulty with indexing was that perpetrators each favored their own convention for tracking individual alters. This resulted in a great deal of confusion and overlap.
Journal Drawing 7
I am sometimes struck by how mundane details will emerge in these drawings of torture. The braided lines leading up from my pigtails in the drawing on the left are those long colored felt ropes that almost all young girls wore in the late 60's and early 70's.
Journal Drawing 8
I was put through a range of training/torture sessions in Lilly sensory deprivation tanks. Sensory deprivation alternated with electroshock makes for a powerful motivator.
Journal Drawing 9
Many standard medical devices and procedures can be used for torture. Anything that causes pain or fear can be re-purposed.